Saturday, July 30, 2011

Madonna fanatically measures her cellulite & rages at people who mock her

What does Madonna love more than anything else? She loves herself, for sure, but I think “money” and “gristly-body obsession-fanaticism” is right up there with self-love. So it was love at first sight when Madge met Tracy Anderson, the fraud “trainer” who made Madonna into the piece of gristle she is today. A few years ago, Madonna and Tracy split up, and I always assumed the whole thing was over money. Tracy wanted to open gyms and trade on her association with Madonna, and Madge balked. Now Tracy is in business with Gwyneth Paltrow, who coincidentally is no longer BFFs with Madge. Anyway, this Star Mag story is kind of a blast from the past, but I want to buy it just because this completely comports with the image I have of Madonna: a 50-something woman terrified of aging, who will pay any amount of money to look younger, who will fly into a rage at the mere mention of cellulite.

"Madonna is turning 53 in August, and she’s so obsessed with maintaining a youthful appearance, she’s purchased a Cellupulse anti-cellulite acoustic wave therapy machine for $75,000, according to a member of the superstar’s inner circle. Madge uses the machine twice a week and faithfully record her thigh measurements to make sure she’s on target and “flips out if it increases by as little as one quarter of an inch.”
Madge is so fixated on her cellulite that it has destroyed her relationship with her longtime exercise guru, Tracy Anderson.
“Tracy grew to dread the early-morning phone calls from Madonna ranting about what a useless trainer she was,” according to one of Tracy’s pals. “Madonna would threaten to fire her, and Tracy had to talk her down each time.”
Tracy’s not the only casualty of Madonna’s body image obsession. “The measuring and ranting used to drive her ex-husband crazy,” reports the insider. “Guy Ritchie would mock her and joke that he noticed a few new dimples, which he thought was tremendously funny, but she obviously didn’t.”
The insider continues: “Madonna wants the body of an 18-year-old dancer and believes she can maintain her youth if she works hard enough in her gym, which is covered from floor to ceiling with mirrors. She scrutinizes her body in every position, looking for fat like an FBI detective.”
Madonna has also vowed to eliminate anyone who doesn’t respect her exercise regimen from her home and her life.
“Those wishing to stay in her good graces have learned to stay mum on the subject, especially her young male companions.”
[From Star Magazine, print edition]

Don’t you want to think of Madonna like this? Obsessively measuring her cellulite in her completely mirrored room, agonizing over the measurements for hours and then finally rage-calling Tracy to vent? That is totally how I picture her.

Re: the “young male companions” - does anyone else get the feeling that Madge isn’t even having sex with these young guys? I got that feeling when she was with Jesus Luz, and now that she’s doing the on-again-whatever with Brahim, I just think Madge is like Hugh Hefner at this point. She keeps all of the young, fresh meat around her to make herself feel better, like she’s young again, and so she can have something pretty to look at.