Thursday, October 6, 2011

My boobies are raw… sticky and sweet!

It was 20-oh-7, and Madonna was a year away from hitting the big 5-0.  She had adopted a kid, was trying her hand at reverse vitiligo by hanging out with the very black Justin Timberlake, and her marriage to wannabe British street hustler, Guy Ritchie, was obviously over.  She felt that a little nip tuck was in order.  Always the miser, Madonna collected a couple of lip plates over in Malawi, and had them surgically implanted in her face.  The results were mixed.  On the one hand, she didn’t have the face of a bulimic, post-mortem Karen Carpenter, but she did have the face of a hamster.  Madonna’s always been obsessed with her body, more so than her face.  Ironically, her body doesn’t look great either.  Hopefully, she works out like a dog in order to keep her stamina up to do yet another one of her compulsory world tours.  She can’t think that she actually looks hot.  Maybe she does.

Our Madonna was the Madonna of 1990-1995.  It may sound as though we’re giving her a hard time, and we are, but she truly deserves it.  While it’s nice to see her doing something semi-rebellious by societal standards again, dating prepubescent dark meat, she’s still shacking up with that godawful Kabbalah crowd.  Madonna had one of the longest marriages in history by Hollywood standards.  It looked like she was going to be attached to that old British lush until the day she died.  While she may look ridiculous wearing outfits that would even make a twenty year old blush (or Lola), Madonna’s career was built on that type of image.  Crass + dirty hot beat = Madonna.  Fans and spectators who came onto the Madonna scene post-Ray of Light, have been caught unawares of the Madonna of yesteryear.  Her biggest flaw these days is the music — the core of her career.  Like with these photos she shot back in December 2008, at the Hotel Gloria, in Rio de Janeiro, Madonna leaves it up to technology to fix every flaw on her body.  She doesn’t even attempt to pull the look together.  It parallels her recording career now.  The producers are doing all the work without her.  She comes in, spouts a few lines, changes a few words, and has the computer techs do the rest.  It’s sad, and slightly irritating.  She used to be ahead of the curve, and devoted all her time and effort to remain so.

Back to the photos, Madonna was fingering Brazilian supermodel Jesus Luz around this time.  He’s featured in the shoot buck naked.  Jesus Luz Christ, that azz is to die for!!!  I’m sure Madonna had a good time probing it.  Her #1 gay/photographer, Steven Klein did the shoot.  He acts as her personal traveling photographer now.  It would be nice if Madonna could have one friend, especially a gay one, who didn’t have to convert to her bs religion in order to hang around her.  Sadly, Klein is wearing the red string now. 

As frightening as these un-Photoshopped photos tend to be, it does reveal to those who swore Madonna had her body sliced, and diced, and put back together years ago, that she hasn’t actually touched a thing.  There’s no visible scars, except one minor one that you can see over her right breast.  No one would pay for those titties.  It’s nice to see an older woman in the entertainment biz who didn’t mess with her funbags, (even though she probably should).  People for years have been saying that she had them done.  These pix put those rumors to rest.  She definitely fucked with her face though.  All in all, it’s the music that counts, and until she starts fucking with that, Madonna’s face and body are going to be all that people talk about from now on.  It certainly won’t be about her directing career.  A fucking hydrangea upstaged her for goodness sake!

Needless to say, this won’t be our final Madonna diatribe.  We still adore the old crone!