Warren Beatty And Madonna Never Should Have Broken Up; every part of their relationship is fascinating… not to mention totally sexy. So, we should probably take some time to talk about the greatest romance of the whole entire 1990s. First, a bit of backstory on Beatty is in order, it lasted only 15 months and was largely for show, but it continues to boggle minds with its weird and wonderful SENSUALITY more than two decades after its conclusion.
It’s the ballad of Madonna and Warren Beatty, and, as far as relationships that are essentially three-ways with the paparazzi go, it’s basically perfect in every way.
Let me just give you a minute to process that picture. Why isn’t every face young Warren Beatty’s face?
In Madonna’s tour documentary Truth or Dare, you can see Beatty getting tired with her particular brand of attention-mongering. As the plot progresses, Beatty seems to get more and more peevish about the cameras following them everywhere, which culminates in his dressing down Madonna in a hotel room as she’s being examined by a doctor. He asks her why she’d want that on tape, then sarcastically sneers, “She doesn’t want to live off-camera, much less talk… What point is there of existing off-camera?”When this contradiction of personality types is pulled into focus, it makes sense that the relationship never could have worked in the long run. The way Beatty conducted himself as a famous person was far less overt than Madonna’s outsized performance of her identity, which was especially true in terms of their sexualities — he communicated his by purring quietly and conspiratorially over the phone to one pussycat at a time, then luring her into the anonymity of being one among thirteen thousand others, while Madonna’s book has coffee-table-sized photos where she’s getting fingered by Vanilla Ice. So, you know, different strokes, etc.And in the end, wouldn’t you know it — the last time Madonna and Beatty were seen in public as a couple was at the premiere of Dick Tracy. Has there ever been a more pat ending to a press-centric romance than literally breaking up immediately after the movie you’re in together premieres? “After that,” Ciccone writes, “their relationship just fizzles out. No fireworks, no recriminations herald the end of their romance. Just a slow, gentle fade-out.” Too bad for the tabloids, and for a future generation denied of the sexual monster-angel that their hypothetical child surely would have been. If you ever want to give it another go, Madonna and Beatty, I’ve got your back 5,000 percent, just as long as we get more stories out of it like the one about the ice cream. And if not, thank you for the gift of “chocolate and vanilla,” you two. May we always choose both in your honor henceforth.